A study among more than 700 South African women – all involved in committed relationships – found that a lack of sexual intimacy led to elevated symptoms of depression.
The survey, which was conducted by anti-depressant pharmaceutical firm, Pharma Dynamics, polled women of various walks of life, between the ages of 18 and 55 on the effects that sex – or the lack thereof – has on their mental well-being.
While eight in ten women considered themselves to have a healthy sex drive, 15% cited their partner’s disinterest, as one of the primary reasons for not having sex as often as they would like to.
Tumi Motsei, spokesperson for Pharma Dynamics says numerous international studies point to psychological problems ranging from embarrassment to serious depression as a result of a sex-less relationship, which our own findings corroborate.
“More than 70% of women surveyed, said the absence of sexual intimacy in their relationships made them feel depressed and led to doubts about self-worth. As many as 64% measured their self-esteem, femininity and desirability directly to how their partner responds to them sexually.
“When a man starts to withdraw physically, it is natural for a woman to believe that her partner is losing interest in her, thereby impacting self-esteem and feelings of attractiveness. Women who measure their self-esteem by how men respond to their sexuality are particularly vulnerable to fears of rejection,” says Motsei.
As a result of their partner’s physical withdrawal, 54% of respondents said they felt less attractive; 44% felt less self-confident; 34% cited emotions of alienation and abandonment; 22% were less trusting of their partner; 21% were concerned that their partner might be having an affair and 11% felt betrayed.
Identifying the causes of sexual lulls
“There is no doubt that a healthy sex life is one of the most important factors in a happy and thriving relationship, but when your partner isn’t sexually responsive, it is easy to assume the worst. Instead, try to bear with him during any sexual lulls, which could be caused by a number of factors. These could range from an emotional disconnect in the relationship; stress or simply exhaustion; body image issues; lack of non-sexual affection; sexual performance issues such as erectile dysfunction; infertility and even hormone levels.
“The best solution for determining what may be affecting your partner’s sex drive is to communicate with him about the factors he thinks may be at play and what you can do to help make sex more fulfilling and desirable for both of you.”
Motsei points out that when a woman loses a loving sexual relationship, she may choose to withhold her partner from any type of sexual experience. “After going through the pain associated with rejection and lack of empathy from her partner, she might divert her attention to other matters in order to compensate for the loss of sexual intimacy. This is the right time for a couple to see a relationship counsellor or sex therapist. Counselling may rekindle the romance and redirect energies into the relationship.”
How to cope with feelings of sexual rejection
She offers the following coping mechanisms to help women deal with sexual rejection:
- Don’t take it personally – remind yourself that your partner’s lack of interest in sex may not be about you
- Try a new approach. Don’t initiate sex for a while and see what happens
- Examine your relationship and ask yourself what was different about the times when your partner was more interested in sex and try to somehow recreate those conditions
- Focus on what makes you happy, for example, spending time with friends, starting a new hobby, joining a sport or dance club, etc. If he sees you focusing on yourself rather than your sex life, he might want to become more involved in ‘every’ aspect of your life
“Never lose sight of the importance of putting constant effort into a relationship. You need to be inventive, surprising and work at it in order for it to remain exciting and for you both to enjoy a strong emotional and physical bond.
Source: Health24
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